So Where Is God In All This?

The Revd Deacon Polly M. Bowen

My life this past month has been a series of contrasts – from the sometimes cantankerous winter/spring weather that we all experienced to some personal upheaval in my household to the bumpy functioning of my EFM classes, where the joy of trying a new format has been tempered by the resultant disruption of the lessons scheduled for April and May.

But the biggest contrast has been in my spiritual life.  I am not accustomed to going “on vacation” in the sense that others often do.  When I go away it is usually to a church convention (this drives my family mad – Mom’s idea of a good time is a church convention!) or seminar of some sort.  But yes, it is Mom’s idea of a good time, and this year was no different; when my friend suggested that we go to a place in Tennessee and do a week-long silent retreat, I agreed immediately.  Never mind that I was preparing for a Cursillo weekend (at which I was expected to give no less than nine talks) almost immediately upon our return.  I can handle this, I thought, and off we went.

We drove to Tennessee, worshipping along the way in a beautiful downtown church in Covington, Kentucky, marveling at the beauty of Kentucky and Tennessee in springtime, grumbling about Kentucky roads, laughing about the plush accommodations we had – where everybody else got up early in the morning and went off to play golf or tennis, to swim, to ride horses, to pamper themselves at the spa – while we set about our silent retreat. 

It was wonderful.  We lived in a two bedroom, two bath complex complete with kitchen, eating area, living room and back deck, and we each went about our private prayer and meditation without disturbing the other – exactly as we would if we were at a seminary or convent somewhere, but with better lodging.  By mutual agreement we ended our silence toward the end of the week and went to look up an old friend, now Rector of St. Raphael’s in Crossville, Tennessee.  The next day the tornadoes hit – one hovered directly above us, and we followed all the instructions piped in by our “hosts” – just awaiting that menacing freight-train sound that mercifully never came.  But it put a chill on our enjoyment, and we decided it was time to pack up and leave.  On the way home we stopped in Roanoke, Virginia to see my sister, her husband and their brand new grandson.

Except for the tornadoes, it was a lovely, peaceful time.

Almost immediately upon returning home I was plunged into the Cursillo weekend, and the contrast with my restful retreat was profound. This was Cursillo #28 for this diocese, and about the 12^th time I have served on the team, so you’d think I would know how to do it by now.  But I found that the careful planning that I thought I had done had somehow gone awry, and I had to change the readings for almost all of the worship events – and I thought I had them all done before I left!  I found that my nine talks (one of which was written as the weekend progressed) weren’t as good as I had thought, and I was up during the night revising them.  I found that I took too much of the wrong “stuff” and not enough of the right “stuff” with me.  Too many sweatshirts and jackets, and the weather was gorgeous, but this is Buffalo, and hey – you never know!  It was difficult to put all my paraphernalia into the cramped (barely 7 feet wide) cabin space to which I was assigned – again, a sharp contrast with the spacious Tennessee retreat site. 

But somehow it all came together.  It was a wonderful weekend, full of joy and alive with the Spirit of God.  But exhausting!  By the time I got home on Sunday night, my own bed beckoned, and I fell into a deep sleep without even saying my evening prayers.  And the next morning – back to work. 

So here I am – renewed and refreshed by my silent time with God (which ended in tornado threats) and by a joyful 3½ days of serious talks interspersed with fun events and surprises – which ended in a deep, recuperative – if somewhat hasty – sleep.  So many ways to become centered, and God was in all of it.

I guess that’s the message here – no matter what the circumstance of our lives at any given time, God is there.  His love reaches out to embrace us, and we have only to smile back and let him have his way with us. Jesus is the vine, and his life flows in the branches of our lives.  The power is there.  The grace is there, freely given.  Our job is to go forth and bear fruit!

Lord of our hearts, give us light to guide us, vision to inspire us, wisdom to direct our hearts and minds, words and actions.  Give us courage to strengthen us and trust to console us.    Rule over our thoughts and feelings, our words and actions, that we may always rely on your mercy, proclaim your justice, and find joy in your wonderful creation.  Amen.